Memoir of the Slytherin Queen
by DracoDormiens91
Summary: Pansy looks back on her life. Love lost and never found.
1. Chapter 1

I've told him over and over that this couldn't work. We are too different, he know this, I know this. But when we are together, we seem so perfect. The reality is the first time I set eyes on Harry Potter I fell in love with him. I know what you're thinking, "Who wouldn't love Harry Potter?" He is the 'Boy Who Lived' after all. With his untidy back hair and piercing green eyes he was every girls dream, but He was indeed my reality.

He did have his flaws though for starters he was a Gryffindor. Oh the goody goody Gryffindors, so bloody perfect it made my head spin. Then there was the fact that he was a halfblood, not that I minded so much but Mummy and Daddy would be furious if they knew. Which brings me to my final point, he was arch enemy number one. The Parkinson's were known Death Eaters, supporters of YouKnowWho, and Harry had rid the wizarding world of said Dark Lord.

But I didn't care about all these things. When we were alone he was just Harry to me. A seventeen year old boy that had too much on his plate. And I was just plain Pansy, not the pure blood crazed that everyone thinks I am. With each other we could truly be ourselves.

But this had to stop. It was getting too dangerous. We had almost been caught by that bumbling oaf Goyle. We were in the broom closet next to the bathroom on the second floor, enjoying each others company, when I door knob starts to jiggle. Thank Merlin for a locking charm. Harry had brought his Invisibility Cloak, lucky for us, we hid under it as Goyle came in and started looking around like he knew someone was in there.

That would have been all I needed. If he saw us he would have went straight to Draco and told him, not good at all. Draco in some ways was my "boyfriend". Meaning that our parents said we were dating. The Malfoy's and the Parkinson's have always been close and what's better then the only children of both the families courting. But Draco and I had feelings that of a brother and sister. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted with whom ever he wanted the same went for me, that is anyone of pure blood and in no way, shape, or form a Weasley or Harry Potter. Draco would have had a fit. We couldn't have that. So meetings with Harry were now restricted to the dead of nigh in abandoned classrooms of the Room of Requirement.

I didn't mind though. It made it more exciting, sneaking around. I was starting to get scared though. I was falling harder and harder for him when I knew that it could never be. He needed to know, I need to end it before it went any farther. Easier said then done, I couldn't do it. He would look at me with those beautiful eyes and the words wouldn't leave my lips.

Then one fateful day he said the three words I dreaded. "I love you." . Me being the blubbering fool that I am started to cry and told him "I love you, too. More then you'll ever know." And it was true, I had never felt this way about anyone before. He was special, he was mine, and he was all wrong.

We had three perfect years together. Three wonderful years of love, passion, and the best sex imaginable. But on the day of graduation I finally did what I needed to. We had planned to move to America or Canada. To start over in a new country where no one knew us or could find us. We were going to by land and have a house in the far away from the troublesome world around us. We spent hours talking about what we couldhere, what our lives would be like. I had almost convinced myself that one day it would come true. But when he asked me if I was ready, if I wanted to run that night and never look back I told him what I've had to "No, it won't work." I broke his hearts and that was that. The last moments that we spent together were indescribable. He held me and we both cried. I told him how much I loved him and that "I'm sorry. I wish things were different, but we can't change it.". This was our goodbye. We boarded the train that would take us away from Hogwarts for the last time leaving behind us our childhood home and our love.

Later that year my parents came to me and told me that I was to marry Draco. I had been expecting it. It was only a matter of time before they wanted to merge the two biggest names in the Pure Blood circle. I agreed because I had no other choice. Two years later I was married and had our first child, Ava. Not a day went by that I didn't think about him. He still had my heart. I occasionally would read in the Daily Prophet stories about him. About how he was the best Seeker Quidditch had ever seen. He had been singed to the Chudley Cannons. They won the League that year, the first time since 1892. He was living his dream and I abandoned mine.

Years passed, seasons changes, and clocks kept on ticking. I was almost thirty with three children and a alcoholic husband that spent my time with prostitutes then his did with his family. It didn't bother me though. I let Draco do what he pleased. If whores made him happy then so be it. By this time Harry was married to the Weasley girl, Ginny. I was happy that he found someone. I hoped for it, that he could love someone else and move on even though I couldn't. I saw their happy faces smiling and waving in the pictures from the wedding that had been in Witch Weekly. It had been a big to do, all the big names of the Quidditch circle, members of the Ministry, and all of the Wizard elite were invited, that is except the Malfoy's. I was relieved at that though. I wouldn't have to see him face to face, better yet I wouldn't have to see him with someone else.

Over the years a firm coat of ice has wrapped it's self over my heart. Not allowing anything in or out. I was numb all over, an empty shell. I would spend hours reliving my time with him in my mind. I would imagine what our lives would be like together. If we did run away and live happily ever after. But no, I choose the "right" path and regretted it every damned day of my life.

Depression is an bitch. I came to realize that maybe if I get some closure it would make me well again. The antidepressants weren't doing their job. I decided to write him a letter telling him everything I needed to gat off my chest. I told him that "I still love you. Even though you probably have forgotten all about me. I know it was just puppy love, or so the muggles call it, but it has stayed with me through all these years. Not a day goes buy that you don't cross my mind. I miss you more then word can ever say." the pity party went on and on. When I finally sent it , it took almost a week for a reply.

He said "We were young and stupid, Pans. But I meant everything I ever said to you. I still love you too and always will. Our lives our in opposite ends of the spectrum now. I wish things were different, that we could go back and change it all, but we can't change the stars. We can be together though, in our memories. Never forget what we had." I was wrong about the closure thing. This made it one hundred times worse. I cried myself to sleep for weeks

Again the years passed. I withered with age like everything else around me. Draco had passed away leaving me with all of the debt and responsibilities that I didn't know how to handle. My children had all left me to live their own lives. I was alone in the world, I had no one left. The only thing that kept my children from putting me in a home was that I told them they wouldn't get any of the multimillion galleon inheritance that was coming to them in the event of my passing.

My last years were spent in the solitude of the Malfoy Manner. I knew that my time here was growing short. I was at peace with dying, I knew that I would see him again and that we would be together. As my final breaths came sharp and shallow all I saw was Harry's face. For the first time in nearly 70 years I was happy. I was going to be with my love again. And with that my life was over. My tired body was finally at rest.

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**A/N - thanks for reading!! when i wrote this i had another small part about Pansy's ideal heaven but later i though it might be over kill. so i'll put it a another chapter. if you want to read it you can.**


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone has their own ideal as to what the after life is. Mine is that you get to spend all eternity in the place you were the happiest, and that for me was my time at Hogwarts. I was seventeen again. Harry and I didn't have to hide anymore. There was no one to hurt us, no one to tell us that what we have was wrong. We were just two people that were so in love that even death couldn't come between them.

I always wanted things to be different. And here in my paradise they were. They were just what I always wanted my life to be like. Full of love and no loneliness in sight. I was truly happy. I realized that my whole life of sadness was worth it in the end. To be able to see Harry again, to have him hold me, kiss, me and love me just as he has those many years ago. 


End file.
